


yeah he’s still coming (just a little bit late)

by lavi0123



Series: lavi does maiko halloweek 2020 [4]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Fall Maiko Week 2020, Mai (Avatar)-Centric, Prompt: redemption, also if any parts of this seem incorrect remember that this is mai's pov, basically goes from the awakening to the finale, because she feels a lot she just doesn't always show it!, covers their major relationship moments, no beta we die like lu ten, she doesn't know everything in zuko's head or anyone else's, she only knows what SHE thinks, that's also why she seems more emotional here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27337315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavi0123/pseuds/lavi0123
Summary: Mai wasn’t ashamed to say she’d missed Zuko.She’d missed him so much that it hurt to think about sometimes. Three years was a long time to be away from someone, especially when you were starting to feel strange feelings towards them. Especially when you hadn’t even gotten to understand what those feelings meant, or why he caused them, or if he felt the same way.But when she saw him again, she knew immediately something was up.Or: Mai's thoughts around Zuko from the Awakening up to the Finale
Relationships: Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: lavi does maiko halloweek 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990834
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41
Collections: Fall Maiko Week 2020





	yeah he’s still coming (just a little bit late)

Mai wasn’t ashamed to say she’d missed Zuko.

She’d missed him so much that it hurt to think about sometimes. Three years was a long time to be away from someone, especially when you were starting to feel strange feelings towards them. _Especially_ when you hadn’t even gotten to understand what those feelings meant, or why he caused them, or if he felt the same way.

But when she saw him again, she knew immediately something was up.

13-year-old Zuko had been reckless and hotheaded but always unfailingly kind and thoughtful. But now, at 16, he was surly, dismissive, and lost in his own head. It had been 3 years, yet Zuko had changed enormously.

“I don’t know, Mai,” Azula said with a sigh when she asked. “I didn’t force him. He made the decision himself. What on earth he could be upset about, I have no idea.”

Well, even under her parents’ roof, Mai had never been one to internalize a simple answer, even if she pretended to do so. Whatever was troubling Zuko, she would discover it and fix it however possible.

She found him on the deck of the ship, staring out at the sea with something like longing. She didn’t understand it. He was going home as an honored guest, he would have his rank restored, they could be together the way they’d wanted since they were little. What could possibly be wrong?

“Aren’t you cold?” She asked, as gently as she could manage.

“I have a lot on my mind,” he replied, without any of the warmth she remembered from three years prior. “It's been so long, over three years since I was home. I wonder what's changed. I wonder how _I've_ changed.”

She yawned with a teasing smile. “I just asked if you were _cold_ , I didn’t ask for your whole life story.” He frowned at that, and her heart sank as she realized that she’d done something wrong, that she’d upset him. So she stepped closer, caressed his cheek, and kissed him, endeavoring to correct her misstep. “Stop worrying. You’ll be fine.” _What’s happened to you, to change you so? When once, you would’ve done anything for this chance?_

A small part of her whispered that maybe it was _her_ that he didn’t want back, and that she hadn’t helped things with how she’d spoken to him, even if it was meant as a joke. She pushed it down.

***

She hadn’t wanted to be at the ceremony. It was all pointless, anyway; a spectacle to reassure the nobles that their royals were as strong as ever. She hated every bit of it, only barely managing to restrain her scowl as Azula preened in front of the adoring masses.

“And after three long years, your prince has returned, Prince Zuko!”

He looked so handsome in his Fire Nation regalia and the topknot with his crown in suited him well. Mai’s heart fluttered at the sight, though her eyes were also drawn to his worried expression. A surge of impatience rose within her, as she once again wished he would tell her what troubled him so. Whatever it was, whether it was something about her or someone else, she’d fix it. She would do anything to make him happy.

Didn’t he feel the same way?

***

She smiled as she sat beside him, a little more reassured as she was here. He seemed to melt, shedding the frigid exterior he carried around him, more reminiscent of the boy she’d known. She alternated her gaze between his gentle smile and the setting sun, unsure of what to say, before finally settling on, “Orange is such an awful color.”

He chuckled slightly, and relief coursed through her at the sound. “You’re so beautiful when you hate the world.”

At this, she turned to face him, smiling brighter than she had in three years, and her cheeks warmed. “I...don't hate you.”

“I don’t hate you, too.” Kissing him felt...familiar, somehow, even though they’d only done it once before. She felt like she could stay like this forever, never worrying, never thinking, just here with Zuko in this one single moment, stretching on forever.

Then, of course, Azula had to come along and interrupt them with a deceptively sweet smile. “Zuko, could I have a word with you?”

“Can’t you see we’re busy?” He snapped, and seeing him so defensive of her nearly made her blush until she remembered herself. No blushing in front of Azula, she knew that well.

Azula turned her attention to Mai, who then fought to keep herself neutral as she tried to sort through all the things she might’ve done to attract Azula’s attention. “Mai,” she said, “Ty Lee needs your help untangling her braid.”

Mai held her gaze for a few moments, debating whether or not to submit to the princess’s demand, before relenting. She stood with a “Sounds pretty serious,” and left, though not without a worried look thrown behind her. Azula and Zuko together was never a good thing for him, in Mai’s experience.

Oh, well. Whatever Azula said or did to him, Mai would be there for him. It was the least she could do, after whatever he must’ve been through.

***

Mai sighed from where she sat on the boat. Ember Island awaited, a place that she loved only because of her secret escapades. She would be confined to Azula’s side in a way she hadn’t even been confined to her parents’ side, because Azula was not so easy to fool as her parents. Azula would not be so easily given the slip.

At least Ty Lee was somewhat of a comfort, and Zuko was on this trip, too, even if his involvement was clearly forced.

“I’m so excited to spend the weekend on Ember Island!” Ty Lee chirped, leaning back and closing her eyes in contentment. “It's going to be great to hang out on the beach and do nothing.”

“Doing nothing is a waste of time,” Zuko snapped, standing and walking to the railing, as Mai noticed he tended to do whenever he was brooding. “We’re being sent away on a forced vacation! I feel like a child.”

“Lighten up.” Azula scoffed. “So Dad wants to meet with his advisers alone, without anyone else around. Don't take it personally.”

Mai floundered for something to say to Zuko, but Ty Lee, as usual, beat her to it. She’d always had a knack for knowing just how to cheer someone up, and Mai envied her for it. “Doesn’t your family have a house on Ember Island?”

He smiled a little wistfully at that. “Yeah. We used to come here every summer when we were kids.”

“That must’ve been fun!” Ty Lee encouraged with a grin.

His smile vanished, returning to a surly frown. “That was a long time ago. A lot’s changed since then.”

 _Don’t need to tell me_ , Mai thought spitefully. _Though I wish you’d tell me_ what’s _changed. How can I fix things?_

***

In his defense, he did seem to try to make things work between them. He offered her an admittedly very pretty shell and brought her ice cream (his dropping it hadn’t been his fault, though Mai’s attempt to lighten the mood seemed to amount to very little). No one had really done anything like this for her: His company alone had been a gift as a child, and the gifts her parents gave were thoughtless and superficial. It was...sweet, in an awkward way, and she wished she’d been able to tell him properly, but unfortunately, she was as awkward as he was, in her own way.

Oh, what a pair they made. Their bonding had always consisted of smiles shared and emotions expressed, but he had changed in the three years they’d been apart, and nothing made that clearer than the party.

The party, the one that almost made Mai cry to think about, because he was still the same at heart, but he’d changed in a way that she couldn’t understand. He was quicker to fight than he used to be, quick to make assumptions, and quick to anger. It confused and annoyed her, and she told him so.

“Your temper is out of control! You blow up over every little thing! You’re so impatient, and hotheaded, and...and _angry_!”

So was she, she realized later. Maybe it was the heat of the moment, maybe it was all of her insecurities and worries and _emotions_ finally bursting through, but she was just as impatient, hotheaded, _angry_ as he was.

“Well, at least I feel _something_!” He snapped. “ _You_ have no passion for anything, you’re just...you’re just a big...blah!”

That stung–no, it _burned_ , not that Mai would ever admit it. Yes, she was reserved, and yes, she hid her emotions, but she never...she never thought that Zuko, of all people, the only one she trusted with her vulnerabilities and emotions, would ever…

“It’s _over_ , Zuko.” She didn’t realize she was crying until one of her tears fell onto her hand. “We’re _done_.”

She tried to ignore the squeezing of her heart as she walked away from him.

***

The campfire felt like a chore. Or maybe a cruel form of torture. Though that wasn’t entirely fair, since it was an act of compassion from Zuko to Ty Lee. He’d tried to extend it to Mai herself, but she wouldn’t accept anything from someone who thought that exploding over misunderstandings and other small things was somehow acceptable. She dealt with enough of that from her father when she spoke out of turn.

Ty Lee–poor, innocent Ty Lee–tried to stop him from burning his family portrait, and he snapped at her. She was always so keen to help everyone else, but Zuko wasn’t the same little kid who would’ve taken her attempts with a confused but accepting smile. He was angrier now, more prone to exploding, and Mai stepped in front of Ty Lee with a quick reprimand before she could think.

“Circus freak,” Zuko spat. Mai’s eyes narrowed, but Ty Lee spoke up tearfully before she could say anything.

“You’re right. I’ve never denied that part of me, and I never will. Do you want to know why I joined the circus?” Tears welled up in her eyes. “Do you know what it’s like, being one of seven septuplets, part of a _matched set_? I joined the circus because I was afraid of that being my whole life, and at least I’m different now. Circus freak is a _compliment_!”

Mai scoffed, feeling unusually spiteful. “Guess that’s why you need 10 boyfriends, too. Attention issues, right? You couldn't get enough attention when you were a kid, so you're trying to make up for it now.”

“Well, what’s your excuse, Mai?” Ty Lee shot back, and maybe it was the fire that was making them all so angry, so...emotional. “You were an only child for fifteen years, but even with all that attention, your aura is _still_ this dingy, pasty, _gray_ –”

“I don’t believe in auras,” Mai retorted, a little sharper than she intended. Really, she was projecting her emotions so _strongly_ , she was surprised no one had yet told her to get ahold of herself.

Zuko scoffed. “Yeah, you don’t believe in anything.”

Maybe it was true what they said. Maybe the people that could hurt you the most really were your closest friends. “Sorry I can’t be as high-strung and crazy as the rest of you.”

“I wish you would be!” He snapped. “You keep all your feelings bottled up inside, and for what? She just called aura dingy. Are you gonna take that?”

“What do you want from me?” She protested, her voice rising in both anger and desperation. _All I’ve ever wanted was to be a good friend to you. Maybe even a good girlfriend. I thought that’s what we were, but now...now I don’t even_ know _you_. “A teary confession about how hard my childhood was? Well, it wasn’t. I was a rich only child who got whatever I wanted, as long as I behaved, sat still, didn’t speak unless spoken to.” She looked down at her lap, hands already folded there as if by instinct. “My mother said I had to keep out of trouble. We had my dad’s political career to think about.”

“Well, that’s it, then,” Azula declared, and Mai jumped, having forgotten she was there. Azula raised an eyebrow but continued regardless. “You have a controlling mother who had certain expectations, and if you strayed from them, you were shut down. That's why you're afraid to care about anything, and why you can't express yourself.”

No...no that wasn’t true. Her mother loved her...right? That’s why she said all those things, about sitting up straight, about revoking dessert after she laughed too loudly, about mingling with Azula even though the princess had a way of using her deepest fears against her–

“You want me to _express myself_?” She shouted. “Leave me _alone_!”

Zuko smiled at her, attempting to sidle up close. “I like it when you express yourself.”

“Don’t touch me! I’m still mad at you.” The nerve of him, honestly. Didn’t he love her for who she was? Was she really such a pathetic bore to him if she wasn’t always shouting and screaming?

“My life hasn’t exactly been easy either, Mai!” He snapped.

She scoffed. “Whatever. It doesn’t excuse the way you’ve been acting.”

“Calm down, guys,” Ty Lee entreated, trying to lighten the mood. “This much negative energy is bad for your skin. You'll totally break out.”

It was the wrong thing to say, and Zuko whirled on her with fury for saying it. “Normal teenagers worry about _bad skin_! I don’t have that luxury. In case you hadn’t noticed, my father decided to teach me a permanent lesson _on my face_!”

Ty Lee shrank back. “Sorry, Zuko, I–”

“For so long I thought that if my dad accepted me, I'd be happy,” he murmured, truly vulnerable for the first time since he’d returned. Mai’s heart broke for him, even if she couldn’t understand why he was feeling this way. “I'm back home now, my dad talks to me. He even thinks I'm a hero! Everything should be perfect, and I _know_ it, but...I’m angrier than ever, and I don’t know _why_!”

And suddenly, Mai understood. At least somewhat. Misplaced anger was something she’d felt before, she just dealt with it differently than him, because she couldn’t deal with it in this way. She didn’t have that luxury. But it explained his behavior–Ember Island was full of easy targets at which to direct his rage. “Who are you angry at?” She asked, attempting to be gentle.

“Everyone, I don’t know!”

“Is it Dad?” Azula insisted. “Uncle? Me?”

“Who is it, Zuko?” Ty Lee insisted.

“Who are you angry at?” Mai repeated, firm and determined.

“I’m angry at _myself_ !” Zuko’s fists burst with flame, sending it in an arc as he punched outward, breathing heavily, until he regained his composure. “I'm confused,” he confessed, shameful and distressed. “I'm not sure I know the difference between right and wrong anymore.” _I’m sorry_ , he didn’t say. He didn’t have to.

“I know one thing I care about,” Mai murmured, coming up and squeezing Zuko’s hands. “I care about you.”

Zuko smiled back at her, and Mai saw the compassion in it that she remembered. Zuko hadn’t changed all that much, she realized, he just needed some more help to show it. He’d been through things she couldn’t even imagine, and she’d support him through this, too. He’d supported her when they were kids, now it was her turn to support him until he felt secure in himself again.

***

Things were lighter, after that. She spent time with him, distracting him from his thoughts with questions of fruit tarts and the teasing that was so familiar from childhood. For a moment, things were perfect.

Then she had to bring up the war meeting.

It was okay, at first. Zuko assumed he hadn’t been invited and was upset, but she managed to distract him from it. Then, a servant came along and announced that his father was waiting for him there, and Mai squeezed his hand in reassurance. “Go on. You can tell me all about it later.”

And so he did.

“When I got to the meeting, everyone welcomed me,” he explained later. “My father had saved me a seat. He wanted me next to him. I was _literally_ at his right hand.”

“Zuko, that’s wonderful!” She smiled. “You must be so happy.” This was what he’d wanted, right? Was his sullen tone her imagination?

“I was the perfect prince,” Zuko continued, as though he hadn’t heard her. “The son my father wanted. But...I wasn’t _me_.”

Mai wished she’d read more into that at the time.

***

Mai held the letter in her shaking hands, tears streaming openly down her face. She didn’t understand.

Was it something she’d done or said? Had she annoyed him somehow? Had she been too forward?

The letter held no answers. She was almost tempted to burn it, until she remembered she couldn’t firebend and the matches were in the top drawer in the kitchen, where her parents were currently sitting.

"Dear Mai,

I’m sorry it has to end like this. I’m going away, and...well, I can’t tell you where. But I’m going to fight in this war, on my own terms. I don’t know if I’ll be back, but in case I’m not…

I love you. I’m sorry.

~Zuko"

 _Screw this. Screw_ him _. I’m done with all of it._

***

But when she saw him at the Boiling Rock, looking strong and proud and...familiar, in a way he hadn’t when he recently returned...she couldn’t do it.

She hadn’t been joking when she yelled at him. She was still furious at him for that awful letter, for the lack of explanation. But seeing how he fought side-by-side with that peasant...it made her wonder. Maybe things weren’t so clear-cut as they seemed if a Water Tribe Peasant and a Fire Nation Prince could fight side-by-side as allies instead of enemies, clear trust between them

And of course, she couldn’t hurt him. Never in a million years.

So when the guards tried to attack Zuko, she fought back against them, defending him with everything she had.

“What are you doing?” They demanded.

“Saving the jerk who dumped me,” she retorted with a smirk.

It ended in Azula’s scorn, but she’d expected that much.

“Why would you do it? You know the consequences.”

“I guess you don’t know people as well as you think you do. You miscalculated.” Her eyes flashed with steel. “I love Zuko more than I fear you.”

“No, _you_ miscalculated!” The Princess screamed. “You should’ve feared me _more_!”

She readied to attack, and Mai braced herself, but who should jump in but Ty Lee, chi-blocking Azula with ruthless efficiency and pulling on Mai’s hand. “Come on, let’s get out of here!”

It was too late, of course, and they were thrown in a prison Mai didn’t know the name of before she could even get her bearings. But she felt warm that Ty Lee had helped and that Zuko had escaped. _Maybe things can be different. Maybe they_ should _be._

***

Mai stood in the doorway a few days later, watching Zuko with a fond smile. But as he seemed to struggle with his robe, she moved forward, offering, “Need some help with that?”

He turned at that, and his face lit up, and her heart burst. His smile carried none of the resentment from a week prior–in fact, he looked more like his carefree childhood self than ever. “Mai! They let you out of prison!”

“My uncle pulled a few strings,” she agreed, though it was a slight oversimplification. Her uncle had been _furious_ (borderline murderous, really) when he’d caught wind of what was going on. “And it helps when the new Fire Lord’s your _boyfriend_.”

“So...does that mean you don’t hate me anymore?” He offered with a shy smile, and her heart broke for him.

She longed to tell him that she could never hate him, that she loved him like the moon loved the stars, that she never wanted him to feel alone, that she was sorry he felt so trapped in his home, that she understood that feeling...but that wouldn’t be her. She wasn’t sure how to say those things without seeming forced and insincere, and she didn’t want to dredge up old memories. So instead she blushed and said, “I think it means...I actually kind of like you. But don’t ever break up with me again!” She added sharply. “Or at least do it in person if you ever plan on it...and you’d better have a good reason!”

He grinned sheepishly at that and drew her in for a kiss.

Things weren’t totally okay, she knew that. They’d just ended a 100-year-old war, and that had consequences. They’d have to dismantle the colonies, for one, not even mentioning all the reparations. But Zuko wouldn’t have to face that alone. However she could help him, she would, just as he’d helped her in the past. Wasn’t that what love was all about, in the end?

**Author's Note:**

> There you go! I'm extending Maiko Week by a couple of days, but just for myself XD another one of these is coming later tonight, and then I'll post the last two tomorrow (one of which I'm very excited for, and you'll see why!)
> 
> Mai is a complicated and often misunderstood character in this fandom. I don't pretend to fully understand her either, but I do think she's much more emotional than some fans give her credit for–it's just more internal than external
> 
> (I also saw a meta post on Tumblr saying that her upbringing is very similar to Toph's, they just have different ways of coping. And the OP of that post is absolutely right!)
> 
> Just...TLDR: More Mai appreciation, please! I'm so tired of the fandom demonizing her. I don't think I got her quite right here (she's hard to write since we're so different), but I hope I at least managed to get the feeling that she's not having an easy time dealing with all of this, as some posts on Tumblr would have you think. I think I said it about 5 different ways in this fic: she hasn't seen Zuko in THREE YEARS! And he wasn't so hardened and constantly-angry then as he is now. We see how he is in the flashbacks: compassionate, fair-minded. Not perfect (he's still an imperialist, after all), but kinder and more gentle. You can see how Mai would've fallen for him, as someone who didn't have people like that in her life.
> 
> But that's all for now. Look out for the next prompt later tonight!


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